It’s hard to say no. It’s hard to know when to say no and what to say no to. It’s hard to gauge the total impact and consequences (both short-term and long-term) of my “no” - to me and to people around me.
I know not saying “no” enough leads to burnout and leaders not saying “no”enough leads to burning many people out. Not saying "no" enough creates resentment.
I thought hard how often I say yes to those that I should say no instead. To my surprise and embarrassment, I think it is almost every day, if not every single day.
I also thought hard how often I just do things because I want to avoid having to say no. And when I do say no, how often I try to explain why my answer is no. Very often. Too often...
I believed saying yes to everything and everyone was what I was supposed to do to be a good human and great team player. I was proud of myself for saying yes and getting shit done no matter how many things fell on my plate and how exhausted I was.
So I'm realizing that this idea of being a super person who says yes and getting everything done according to everyone’s timeline and preference is what I need to say no to first before anything. The fear of being seen as a selfish bitch for taking care of my needs first. The fear of being seen as an incompetent leader for not solving every problem that I become aware of. The very uncomfortableness I feel when people give me that face when they hear no. The terrible guilt that tortures me when I say no to my loved ones. These are what I need to say no to.
“You are entitled to say NO to stories that do not serve your own evolution, and yes only to the ones that align with your spiritual work, your bliss, and your ability to manifest a fulfilling life. Distinguishing your true stories from the ones that aren't true for you protects you from the seven billion people who want to keep you in line."
- From The Power of No by James Altucher and Claudia Azula